32 posts tagged “family”

Tree

Circumstances in my life the past 2 weeks have changed to the point where I have been unable to do the things I want to do and eat the foods I want to be eating.

Not giving up, just in a bad situation until Thursday.... welp... semi-bad. Bad in that it is costing me vasts amounts of money.

There are 3 more kids in my house right now that the wife and I have been watching and they eat FAR more than what is normally consumed in my house.

They are supposed to be gone on Thursday and then I can get my normal life back on track. It is my niece and nephews staying with us and the kids have been great, they really have. They are good kids... but I have been caring for them the last 2 weeks and I am now broke and will be unable to keep caring for them without a drastic alteration to budget.

Yesterday my Uncle was still in his state... not recognizing anyone...not talking...nothing.

Today is my son's birthday and this day has been awesome already, but it got better when my Uncle started talking and knows who everyone is.

FUCKING YES... He is talking... he is awake... he made fucking phone calls.

OMG!!!!!

Sabbath Bloody Sabbath

Black Sabbath

I have not said anything about my Uncle ... well... because there was nothing to say.
This is a huge problem.

There is a lady in the next room to my Uncle whom had an aneurysm a week ago and is now sitting up eating and talking to her family.

My Uncle stares at the ceiling... after the first week he stopped responding to the questions. He stopped trying to communicate with us.

The doctors are now taking him down from his medications. They want to be absolutely sure that a medicine is not causing him to be in this state.

Because... this is the point where they are assessing him and when they are done... in some undetermined amount of time... they will let us know if we should...

I am sorry... I cannot see straight through the massive amount of tears I am pouring now.

But what I am trying to say is that there might come a time now where we basically shut him down.

If those assholes at the first hospital had done something sooner, the pressure could have been off of his brain sooner... and he would have had a much better chance of existing in a cognitive state..  Instead... my Uncle laid in their parking garage for an undetermined amount of time.

However... right now... whatever is left inside of him... is not my Uncle. Is not the man I grew up with always and forever since day 1 in my life, who gave me my very first stuffed animal as a child, who showed me the wonders of movies and music and how to have a good time.

He introduced me to Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Ozzy, Dio and Black Sabbath... he was the reason I was a metal head at a young age.

My Uncle was metal... he was a metal god.

My Uncle is now in surgery. He has a blood clot in his lung.

Wonderful eh?

This post is mostly angst ridden. Feel free to skip.

He is back off of life support.

And I will not be able to see him much over the next 2 weeks. Trips there almost every day has cripppled my finances and now with mortgage paid... it is either go to work or see my Uncle.

Seeing him right now scares me too.

2 Days ago when the life support was initially out and they took down his meds so that he could communicate... yeah... he is like a 4 year old at the moment.

I am the only one vocalizing the fact, and only silently to the wife, that my Uncle seems to have incredible brain damage. Now, what kind and for how long it will last I have no idea. It scares me.

Who can take care of him? My wife and I cannot... it is not possible with the size of our family.

My mother and sister cannot, their house is way too small and so is his place.

I feel like my family's entire world is spinning out of control... and to top it all off... we seem to have a leak in the plumbing at my house that we have to investigate. For all of the people telling me that God will take care of us... I still don't see it. Sorry, I keep looking up and I keep saying "If you are really there, please help us.." and there is nothing but silence and an entire ball of poo rolling down hill right at me.

I must be going mad... I am not sleeping well, nor am I eating well.

And honestly... the wife's birthday is around the corner and it seems that each year a shit storm hits us. I wonder if she will ever have a good birthday.

All I can do is keep moving forward. I tend to use this blog at times recently to vent as I try and keep it away from being in front of my mom and sister. They cannot see how absolutely broken I am when they are on thin strands themselves. I am trying to stay upbeat for their sakes. But honestly? I am crushed right now. I am so incredibly crushed.

When I walk through this someone will say "See, you weathered the storm. God was with you... he did not put more on you than you could handle."

I guess the only way I could prove them wrong is if I had died from a heart attack or killed myself... or perhaps began painting walls with my own filth.

They put him back on life support and they rescheduled his surgery.

I guess it was a nice try, but he suddenly could no longer breath on his own.

He was supposed to have surgery today and they asked for us to be here... I was at work, but I was the only one who could be here.

They did not do the tracheotomy.

Instead when I got here he was off of the life support, breathing on his own and he was furious with the nurses poking him.

He cannot really talk, he can say Yes, No and I guess so.

And he kept reaching for my hand. So I have been sitting by his side talk to him and holding his hand.

I have to run... I would write more at the moment but he is laughing... yes... laughing and he wants me near him.

Kool-Aid Man

My Uncle has his 2nd angiogram today. They will be taking him down there in the next half hour or so. I am glad that they are doing this. They were going to wait, but I suppose that since he became more lively yesterday they are ramping some things up.

Tomorrow morning he is on schedule to have the feeding tube put in, tracheotomy installed and his tires rotated and balanced.

That could happen as early as 7 am. So I am going to have to keep my phone close as I will be at work during this time.

Which means that yes his temperature did indeed go down and is once again normal. Plus the pressure inside his skull is at a very low number today.

I am looking at the bag of fluid on the back of the bed that is made up of the blood and fluid off of his brain. I cannot help but think it looks lilke cherry Kool-Aid.

I made that comment on day 1 here and I half expected the Kool-Aid man to burst through the wall and shout... "Oh YEAH!!!!"

(Ok this version of the video kind of sucks, but it was the only half decent one I could find. lol)

Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

Neil Gaiman

I left work at around 11:30 am in tears. From the phone call I got from my sister, they were telling us that his condition is worsening and he might not make it.

So I drove ALL the way to Murfreesboro to pick up my sister and then pick up her kids and take them to my house and then drive all the way back to Nashville to spend what could be the final hours of my Uncle's life.

We were numb.

We were in shock.

My sister and I got here before my mother and it looked grim. My Uncle, from what his RN told us, has not moved or followed commands since about Friday. They said he is getting worse and not better.

They left us alone with him and my sister held one of his hands and I held the other and we began to tell him how much we loved him and how much we still needed him in our lives.

I then began to read to him and a chapter and a half into the book... and...

He suddenly began to respond and tears came out of the corner of his eyes and he opened them. They were a bit unfocused, but that could easily EASILY be explained by the meds they have him on.

My mother arrived and he began to respond more.

Then... the neurologists showed up a few minutes ago... the one doctor, she went to his side and asked him to grasp her finger and move his feet. He responded to all of it. She actually gave a little shout of delight... yes the doctor herself was excited.

The other neurologist went over every single thing that has been going on and he was rather excitedly hopeful. The doctor said he can see no reason why he will not eventually recover enough to walk out of here on his own.

The next thing is a tracheotomy will happen as well as a feeding tube to his stomach. Then he can get well. Finally... when he is up and moving they can finish securing his aneurysm..

While the doctors could not speculate on how much damage has been done to him, the fact that he recognizes us and reacts to us is a very positive sign.

The doctors now understand... he is fighting when he knows we are there.

Today I thought was going to end in misery... but instead... there is hope.

Now I am hanging up with you guys for a while so I can go back to reading to him.

oh what am I reading him?

'Good Omens' 

 I don't know if he likes it.... but it has GOT to be better than lying here being bored.

Crap... See how out of it I am?
It is day 8 folks... day 8... NOT day 7.

This goes to show you how out of our minds we are.