Oh the Stupid Things Drunk People Do That Almost Gets People Killed

I was saving this story a few days as I was in too much physical pain to
type. I am feeling pretty numb thanks to the fine makes of Advil liquid gels
and so now I can tell you what kinds of things that manly men do that nearly
get a person killed.

This Saturday while my friends and I were hanging out and working on my van
and I was tuning it up and changing brake pads... we began to do a bit of
drinking. Massive amounts of whiskey too... forget beer... beer is for the
lightweights. I did not drink nearly as much as my friends did, but we were
all pretty toasted.

When we finished up working on my van, my friend's father came outside with
a chainsaw.

Ok, we are going to stop here a moment while you let this sink in.

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Now that you have had a moment to digest this information let us proceed
with the story.

The main branch that my friend's father wanted cut down was about 11 to 12
feet in the air and was about the same length. So we grab a really tall
ladder and we make our way down the hill to this massive tree. My friend
climbs the ladder and begins to cut the limb while his brother, his father
and I stare stupidly up at the branch directly over our heads while we hold
the ladder.

Oh yes...

Someone is about to die...

Ok, not die... how about... massive trauma?

Ok, how about lots of missing layers of skin?

The branch breaks and begins to fall directly towards us. The heaviest piece
raining down to his brother... his brother braces and I reach up and pummel
the tree limb like I am the Incredible Hulk from a direct impact to the
guy's face... thus deflecting this massive branch from instantly killing or
maiming the poor guy... instead of slamming into his head, it rolls down his
arm taking a whole lot of skin with it.

Me? My entire forearm and hand are stunned and locked in a clenched bent
finger pose for about ten minutes.

We were freaking lucky... especially doing something so incredibly stupid.

Oh yes, none of the wives were around either. We would have probably been
given a series of expletives with lines such as "Are you nuts?!" and been
saved from injury... well... unless they joined us in the drinking, then I
would have had to do more Hulk Smashing of tree limbs to save more people's
lives.